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“I cried because my 3G wasn’t working, until I saw someone without a smart phone!” – Rumi

The day is not far when we literally see such posts, and we need therapy to overcome the pressures of social media! Yeah, typing can be so exhausting and taxing to the brain! Phew. Give me that protein shake! I plan to do another circuit – of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Zomato, Quora, and Snapchat- before I cool down with YouTube!

It is so hard to believe that people were actually “alive” when Facebook was not around. In fact, it is just about 15 years ago, when there was no email, and we would actually wait to hear from one another! I wonder when I grow old, will I still be able to keep pace with this ever changing technology! It is like Christmas every single day, a new gift that science claus showers us with!

What comes to your mind when you hear the term “Social Media?”

Perhaps some use it to communicate with people around the world (obviously, we don’t talk to the person in the next room. Or do we?). Some others use it as stress buster, and give 1 star reviews to people who did not consider their request for free sukhi puri after a plate of pani-puri. Oh, look at those grinning marketing and PR guys- it is like the great IT boom from 2005 for them now! While I am just struggling to look for my digi-cam(#swag) to take the picture of this cutting chai, just so that I can transfer it to my computer, to transfer it to my phone, to upload it on Instagram – *bliss*. Oh, don’t judge me, the chai stained my camera lens, and now all my pictures have an in-built sepia mode. Hence.c6545387078dc51e5056cf068518b9e9

Social Networking Sites are fast emerging as powerful and unparalleled tools to share information, shape opinions, connect people across domains and cultures, bring participation, and above all to communicate as never before. This is just the beginning. Social Networking Sites are still at a very nascent stage and communities across the world are just beginning to understand the potential of this medium to impact discourse and communication.

Even though it creates a few negative impacts on youngsters (or may be educates them in more than one way), we cannot think of a world without these websites today. So, corrective and preventive measures should be taken towards these negative effects and the young people should be well educated and must have proper awareness regarding such problems of Social Networking Sites.

My only concern is that our evolution will go back by a few thousand years, all thanks to the cannot-straighten-my-neck-anymore due to obsessive compulsive disorder of checking the phone notifications every millisecond! A big shout-out to all the people who check the phone last thing at night, and first thing in the morning! Welcome to we-are-unemployed-and-we-know-it club!

I am just waiting for the day, when we will share our screenshots of Facebook on some other website – botoxkindle for all you know- and tag them, “Nostalgia.”

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Miracles of the moment

7:00 am – The PatRiot – is the headline of a newspaper flashing on my phone. Every tweet, every discussion is about the JNU incident. Wow, I fail to understand who is sillier in this situation – the media, the students, or the government!

Oh, what a beautiful sunrise! Wow, the colours in the sky are right out of an artist’s palette! So serene, so calm, so perfect. Nothing, nothing at all could have made this moment more special or better!

8:00 am – At the gym. (Yes, I leave no opportunity of mentioning this – it’s a cool gym thing you know!) I need to get these kilos of! While, may be, I cannot do anything about the mental baggage, I think keeping my body light will at least take some weight of me- Literally of course, and emotionally as well! Oh come on now! Don’t stop! Keep going, keep going! Phew!

Wow, this stretch feels so good! My body is so much more flexible now, and I am able to do so much more than I ever could! Good job, me! My muscles feel relaxed, body feels fit and I feel wonderful! Now, that’s what I call a great session!

10.00 am – Office. Too much to do, too little time! Get this sorted, and that fixed! Oh, and how could I forget to make the call! Mondays! Arghhh! Well, I should have taken it seriously when I was told – Be careful what you wish for! Now, I am drowned in files and folders!

Whoa, do I love my work or do I love my work! Looks like a great day ahead. I am just so grateful that I am so busy in my life! That’s what I always wanted, didn’t I? Blessed.

3:00 pm – Still, at office. Oh God, why did I have so much rice for lunch! I am so sleepy now. Tonight, come what may, I am going to bed at 10 pm sharp. Whatever happens, I am not stretching my mind and body anymore! I want a pillow! NOW!!!

Oh, the food was so good today- Instagram perfect, you know! This world is just constantly conspiring for me to have an amazing day!

9.00 pm – On Facebook. Look at him at Ladakh! When did she get married – oh, what a lovely dress! These guys are having the most amazing time of their lives. And look at me – I can’t even breathe with my own consent, let alone go on holiday!

Just Imagine – millions and billions and trillions of atoms have undergone tremendous change, the weather, the world, the evolution, big bang – all of this just so that I could experience this moment this way! How can I ask to be anywhere else at this moment?!
Doesn’t this post sound more like the reality vs. our social media posts? While our lives on social media are so happy, so perfect – we are one thought away from making it a reality! Amidst all the terrorism, politics, corruption, discoveries, science, technology – we have our own universe, which is filled with such miracles in every moment!quote-every-moment-of-light-and-dark-is-a-miracle-walt-whitman-197558

Is love over-rated or over-rated loved?

Phew, this has been quite an exhausting week! It is a much-needed weekend for me, but alas, the weekend is going to turn out more exhausting than the week itself! For all of you who do not know, I love and religiously follow all the seven days prior to the Valentine’s day! And I realized I can be so demanding, that I myself am tired of fulfilling all my wishes! Yes yeah, laugh at my singlehood! *Sits in a corner and sulks*

And now there are a few guys who are looking at my column, then at the date, and my column, and the date again! Yes it’s here! In case all those red coloured heart shaped items all around, popping from nowhere aren’t enough reminder for you guys, here is a direct one! February is that month of the year, when the days are less, but salary gets over in the middle of the month itself! Of course, worse for you if you are better at the game! Oh, you know what I mean!Love

Given all the love, affection, fretting, dressing, drinking, commitments and single-hood, and marketing, this day wins the award for the most, the most over-rated day in the history of days – more overrated than yoga day or freaky Friday!

There are many myths and legends about why we Valentine’s day. The most popular legend goes like this:

In the third century Rome, when Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

HOW CAN A PRIEST WHO GOT PEOPLE MARRIED BE A MESSIAH OF LOVE? Isn’t that exactly the opposite? I render the entire reason of this day baseless!

Nevertheless, what I love about this day is that people become so creative! It’s like the rest of the year you are trying to be a great engineer or a doctor, or any of the so called respected (read-boring) professions, and then suddenly you come realise that you are a great poet, or a singer! This one day brings out the best in you, and by the way, if she takes two days instead of one to dump you, you must consider taking that talent seriously! That one extra day was just creativity quota!

And there are some who are neither good engineers, nor good artists. You will find them everywhere on roads – even more red than the Valentine’s Day gift you bought – beating the hell out of you! Oh they are just jealous. And unemployed!

With the “kiss of love” campaign, it anyway has been a rough year for love in our country! But with all that training, and practice, I think these goons are quite excited about tomorrow! Valentine’s day – bring it on, baby!

Well, I urge everyone to kiss goodbye to these silly days, which are just marketing gimmicks. After a whole column on it, I may not sound so, but I am a ban-this-day enthusiast!

Love thy neighbours. Send them home!

Oh, and please take Mr. Kher with you! Yes, I said it!

Just yesterday I saw a video that went viral on WhatsApp, in which a Member of Parliament was talking openly about sending the-religion-that-shouldn’t-be named to Pakistan. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been in our country for more than 2 minutes, since we know that hypocrisy is our favourite game, second only to telling people to lose weight na!

82795349Why can’t we let people be, irrespective of the fact that they worship Shiva, or Jesus, or Allah, or Tendulkar! What is weirder is – that they are praying! As they say, “If one person has an imaginary friend, we call him crazy. If a lot of people have the same imaginary friend, we call it religion.”

I’ve always been fascinated about various aspects of religion, such as its origin, evolution and the fact that your hands could get chopped off for writing about it. Having said that, it’s still nice to see how religion unifies society by providing nuts with an open-shitting contest.

(Relax. I’m talking about the nuts in someone else’s religion, not yours.)

That’s not to say that I am not religious! I fast regularly – mostly between bedtime and breakfast. I sacrifice my hair – generally on Saturday evening after a few shots of awesomeness- but I am sober ya! And I am perpetually wishing for someone to come from up there and do all that I am supposed to do – including picking up my lazy bum out of the cozy blanket in this perfectly air-conditioned room! I am born in a Hindu family, meaning I believe in comprehensive power of whatever BJP tells me to do!

The thing is, whoever invented religions did not think it would go this way! But I think, the efficiency decreased after one introduced marriages!

Calling India a secular nation is as much antithesis as calling a politician honest! I always thought of myself as a proud Indian, despite national embarrassments such as rape, violence and Rahul Gandhi! Don’t get me wrong. Violence is a great concept, if only we could have the freedom of expressing violence by shooting, say, umm..customer service!

I don’t mean to mock traditions! I mean they do help Ekta Kapoor mint money and put that oh-so-traditional Tilak on her forehead! If not for her, how would our children know that all mothers-in-law are horrible, and everyone who dies can come back to life – if only you wish (TRP) hard enough – and no that is not creejesus-dad-offensive-pagepy at all! But some traditions are – how do I say this nicely – downright stupid and irrelevant! And they work on the basis that women have an IQ of a carrot!

We really really need to start behaving as civil as animals, and let our “humanity” rest for a bit!

PS –I have timed this article such as to reduce the risk of being kicked by RSS – Romantic to Sanskaari Sangh – considering they must be busy arranging for their biggest moral policing event coming up next week! Wohoo to hatred on Valentine’s Day!