Love thy neighbours. Send them home!

Oh, and please take Mr. Kher with you! Yes, I said it!

Just yesterday I saw a video that went viral on WhatsApp, in which a Member of Parliament was talking openly about sending the-religion-that-shouldn’t-be named to Pakistan. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been in our country for more than 2 minutes, since we know that hypocrisy is our favourite game, second only to telling people to lose weight na!

82795349Why can’t we let people be, irrespective of the fact that they worship Shiva, or Jesus, or Allah, or Tendulkar! What is weirder is – that they are praying! As they say, “If one person has an imaginary friend, we call him crazy. If a lot of people have the same imaginary friend, we call it religion.”

I’ve always been fascinated about various aspects of religion, such as its origin, evolution and the fact that your hands could get chopped off for writing about it. Having said that, it’s still nice to see how religion unifies society by providing nuts with an open-shitting contest.

(Relax. I’m talking about the nuts in someone else’s religion, not yours.)

That’s not to say that I am not religious! I fast regularly – mostly between bedtime and breakfast. I sacrifice my hair – generally on Saturday evening after a few shots of awesomeness- but I am sober ya! And I am perpetually wishing for someone to come from up there and do all that I am supposed to do – including picking up my lazy bum out of the cozy blanket in this perfectly air-conditioned room! I am born in a Hindu family, meaning I believe in comprehensive power of whatever BJP tells me to do!

The thing is, whoever invented religions did not think it would go this way! But I think, the efficiency decreased after one introduced marriages!

Calling India a secular nation is as much antithesis as calling a politician honest! I always thought of myself as a proud Indian, despite national embarrassments such as rape, violence and Rahul Gandhi! Don’t get me wrong. Violence is a great concept, if only we could have the freedom of expressing violence by shooting, say, umm..customer service!

I don’t mean to mock traditions! I mean they do help Ekta Kapoor mint money and put that oh-so-traditional Tilak on her forehead! If not for her, how would our children know that all mothers-in-law are horrible, and everyone who dies can come back to life – if only you wish (TRP) hard enough – and no that is not creejesus-dad-offensive-pagepy at all! But some traditions are – how do I say this nicely – downright stupid and irrelevant! And they work on the basis that women have an IQ of a carrot!

We really really need to start behaving as civil as animals, and let our “humanity” rest for a bit!

PS –I have timed this article such as to reduce the risk of being kicked by RSS – Romantic to Sanskaari Sangh – considering they must be busy arranging for their biggest moral policing event coming up next week! Wohoo to hatred on Valentine’s Day!

2 thoughts on “Love thy neighbours. Send them home!

  1. Poorva says:

    Woah! That’s quite a lot of ranting! But I shall disagree on your India not being secular comment. Even if people have the freedom of speech and utter whatever they want which many may disagree with, the fact remains that more than 4 religions co-exist in the same geographical landmass following their customs and voicing out their opinions as and when they see fit! So, India is secular no doubt!

    • OJ says:

      Secularism has become more of a political agenda, and isn’t a sentiment anymore! yes, I agree, we are very secular at personal levels as such, but the word has deeper connotations on political level, and that is the “secular” India I am referring to!

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