Well Pitched

If there is one thing that the British did right, apart from teaching us the art of defecating within a space of four walls of course, is challenging Bhuvan to a match of cricket! We loved cricket more than probably they intended us to, so much so that we beat them out of their game! I mean we would have, had we been playing tomorrow! Never mind.

We must also give them the credit of unity in our country! For something that innumerable speeches, political agendas, education, love marriages can’t do, we need only a game against Pakistan- no points for guessing who wins those! I wonder if the English had anticipated the extent to which the rivalry would build up back when they created Pakistan. I imagine it was a complex, gut-wrenching decision, involving heated debates on politics, religion and morality.

Mountbatten: OK, so if we divide the nation, it will lead to an immediate battle, followed by years of chaos and conflict…

Aide: Yes. But the cricket will be awesome.

Mountbatten: Chal done!

If you are done crying over our defeat in Semi-Finals, I think you should use this weekend to think about how are you going to fill all the awkward silences in conversations you would rather not have with the people you would rather not talk to! My heart goes out to people who followed the tournament day in and day out with the dedication of a Facebook stalker.

But then you give IPL to such people, and they are as happy as the kid sucking on Kala Khatta Gola, which obviously is Kala and Khatta for perfectly hygienic reasons! No, I don’t hate IPL. It’s as if the game of cricket went ahead and decided to have a ridiculously loud bachelor party. Even casual fans like me are bound to get swept up in the madness.

I love how IPL deletes all the boring stuff – like how is the pitch, what is the angle of the blade of the grass on the off-side, percentage of saliva the bowler would need to adorn the ball, etc. – and focuses only on important things like Gayle’s stunning sixes, or how Virat needs Anushka’s positivity, and such matters of consequences! It’s India’s two religions – Cricket and Bollywood- creating so much spark that it would even put the bling at a Marwadi wedding to shame

I’ve decided against stadiums, since I’m not too keen on the whole ‘death-by-heatstroke’ thing. (Blah, anyone willing to sponsor my tickets?). Watching a match in the stadium gives you a golden opportunity to call your loser friends who’re at home, and ipl funny cartoons12find out who the hell is on strike, because from where you’re sitting, Rahane might as well be Nita Ambani in a helmet.

All said and done, cricket is the real winner. And the sponsors. And the husband in cric buzz ad, who called his wife wide.

In the spirit of cricket, all I’d like to say and pray is that may the best team win – as long as it’s Indian.

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