Aye to Zzzz

Mitron! Today is the first New Year’s Eve in the history of New Year’s Eve when we may start drinking at 8pm not to celebrate but to forget. Our beloved Modiji once again will adorn television sets of every household and ensure no one really wishes anyone a “Happy New Year” because there may most certainly not be anything happy about seemingly New Year. Pfft.

funny-new-year-resolutions-1In all its glory this definitely seems to be his moment. But if he wants it to last for another five years after he completes these, I wish to continue Bachi Kankariya’s style of listing A to Z (Read as Zee, because classy, you know) of resolutions, that I hope Modi follows, for the sake of you and me of course. Read on…

Acche Din: a reality now, pretty please!

Ban the ban wagons. We need freedom of speech and action in the true sense.

Corruption can be and should be removed without having people to stand in long queues!

Demonetization to Re-normal-day-isation. SOON.

E-ticket, e-adhaar, e-mail, e-India, e-jio, ey-little more internet speed please?

Freedom to eat, greet and tweet minus any “heat” to be made as intact as reinforced concrete. (Oh yes, #ArchitectSwag)

Governance over the government. And also over Gandhi’s Game of Thrones.

Homophobia to be massacred. X 377 times.

ISIS to become ISWas.

Jokes on snapchat, and news in parliament. And not the other way round.

Kyunki Ramdev Baba bhi kabhi Yogi the.

Liberals to be given a dictionary to know the meaning of “liberal”, so as to reduce the intolerance amongst liberals. Touché.

Modi better remain the Modi we voted for!

No odd-even for the Delhi CM – governing only on odd days, to even out the imbalance? Why?

One Rank One Pension. Period.

Poly-tricks to be curbed.

Queues or National Anthem are not a sign of patriotism.

Religion and region are no reasons for disproportionate governance.

Salman to stop killing black bucks, stop his ‘buck buck’, and stop using his buck to buy the law.

Terrorism needs to be terrorised!

Uddhav to work towards a new and improved Sane-a?

Valid education degree for politicians? Oops, sorry Modiji!

Warning: Making expensive statues of leaders, without really following their principals is hazardous to health. Yours, ours, and the nations.

X-Factor of the political campaign need not be X-treme amounts of money.

Yearly review of governing authority to be commissioned, as intensely as twiterratis dissect a statement by Kejriwal.

Zzzzz, wake me up when the bank opens. With money. In Rs.500 notes.

Well, maybe he will take my advice, or mostly not. But here’s wishing everyone a year 2017 times better than 2016.

It’s been a Ban-tastic year!

Why wasn’t I informed when the Make in India was replaced by Ban in India? Gosh, I feel so left out!

Last week, Maharashtra government banned consumption of meat for 4 days during an auspicious festival of Jains. I think it’s just funny how the government is slowly turning into our menu card.  Initially, I was wondering what the point of all the outrage against it was. Yeah, they have banned meat – but it’s only for 4 days! One could always store it. To a hardcore vegetarian like me, it couldn’t care any less. And I didn’t.

But then a conversation with my friend made me realize that the point is not just about these 4 days, but the whole inherent issue with governance. May be I am taking it a little too far, but it, basically, is cultural terrorism.

In fact, all the bans levied this year essentially are a result of the same thinking!

The only thing that is common in all these bans is our inability to tackle sensitive issues. Banning is running away from the scenario. It is a reflection of our hypocrisy, narrow-mindedness, bias, and cowardice. It shows that we have no faith in our thousands of year old culture and value system, that we are questioning its sustenance.

Having said that banning does not deter the fact that we are what we ban.

I mean if we have to ban anything, implies that it exists, that it is our value-system, a trend now. And banning a video doesn’t change that! Whom are we kidding? Do the policy makers really believe that banning products, actions, videos, and words really curbs their use?  In fact, all it does is people looking for more illegal ways to do “it”, eat “it”, watch “it”, and all this while saying “it”.

Seriously, don’t we all know where to find alcohol in Gujarat? Or beef in Maharashtra? Don’t we all use cuss words? Haven’t we seen the AIB Roast or the documentary? Aren’t we going to save that pepperoni pizza from last night just to eat it on the day meat is banned? In fact, banning the video gave it more popularity, and all the people who did not even know AIB exists, have access to the aforesaid video. And don’t even make me question banning 50 shades of grey.

It needs basic knowledge of psychology to know how Human mind functions. Even as children, we only want to do the things that we aren’t allowed. The easiest way to make someone do what you want them to do is by telling them – You can’t do it! “Ban” is not the solution.

Whereas the meat ban is only for about 3 days, there are 50 shades of our mentality to be tackled, and putting even a fraction of our energy in that direction will get a lot more achieved than banning these things.

PS – What should I cook for dinner, dear government?

50 shades of Ban

No one told me when the Make in India was replaced by Ban in India. It is not even funny the number of things we have banned in the last one week.

The only thing that is common in all these bans is our inability to tackle sensitive issues. Banning is running away from the scenario. It is a reflection of our hypocrisy, narrow-mindedness, bias, and cowardice. It shows that we have no faith in our thousands of year old culture and value system, that we are questioning its sustenance.

Having said that banning does not deter the fact that we are what we ban.

I mean if we have to ban anything, implies that it exists, that it is our value-system, a trend now. And banning a video doesn’t change that! Whom are we kidding? Do the policy makers really believe that banning products, actions, videos, and words really curbs their use?  In fact, all it does is people looking for more illegal ways to do “it”, eat “it”, watch “it”, and all this while saying “it”.

Seriously, don’t we all know where to find alcohol in Gujarat? And by now, beef in Maharashtra? Don’t we all use cuss words? Haven’t we seen the AIB Roast or the documentary? In fact, banning the video gave it more popularity, and all the people who did not even know AIB exists, have access to the aforesaid video. And don’t even make me question banning 50 shades of grey.

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I think this simply shows the power of the words don’t, no, ban has. We just have to do it. Cannot explain the psychology more simply. That exactly is how it works, government! “Ban” is not the solution.

There are 50 shades of our mentality to be tackled, and putting even a fraction of our energy in that direction will get a lot more achieved than banning these things.

PS – Let me know when we Ban Janata Party!