Dear Zindagi,

Why do you do this?

Now, every girl with a recent heartbreak, is on streets looking for her own Shah Rukh Khan. Do you know, you have spoilt psychologists for us, like forever? Humph.

Gauri Shinde is a lyrical story-teller. For someone who could make such a local concept so universal in English Vinglish, something went amiss while making a fairly universal concept local with this movie.

I think ‘Dear Zindagi’ was a nice, feel-good, 2-hour pep-talk, but rather too naive for the subject. Having said that, I am not even sure if the audience is ready for a movie minus Katrina’s thumkas and Honey Singh’s..umm..words. It is probably not made for an out-and-out box office success, because a lot people struggling with getting their payday from the banks are a little too busy sorting their life-struggles out ( or “real” struggles as they are called) to wonder about their emotional sickness. But, at least the conversation has started – someone is finally talking about emotional well-being, and it is out there in the open for discussion. This movie is about everything that you have said in your mind, but never aloud.

It happened to remind me of a word that was doing the rounds a few months back – Urban Poor. It was a concept that only these “urban poor” understood, and for me, was a slightly romanticized notion for a situation that millennials had put themselves in. Theoretically, I always understood this concept, but I could never accept the dumbness of it all. Just by giving a label to something quite silly, doesn’t make it valid, you know!

Well this movie for me was like “urban poor well-being” – I am not saying that the struggle is not real. All I am saying is with what was shown on screen, theoretically one could understand Alia’s pain, but it failed at making me live it with her, and hence the very reason for therapy is somewhat shaken.

dear-life-not-a-challenge-wititudesHaving said that, I encourage everyone to see the movie – especially, people in tier II and tier III cities, where ‘modernism in thought’ is yet setting in. It is a great ice-breaker and conversation-starter between young adults and their parents about older taboos, et al. – which is pretty important. While it took some time for my mum to wrap her head around Alia’s choice of life, she was reasonably happy with Shah Rukh’s role of Krishna-right-out-of-Geeta-kinds.

Well, like SRK puts it in the movie – Genius is the one who knows when to stop. In my case, it’s at 500 words. So ya. Bye.

Genius, I say.

Well Pitched

If there is one thing that the British did right, apart from teaching us the art of defecating within a space of four walls of course, is challenging Bhuvan to a match of cricket! We loved cricket more than probably they intended us to, so much so that we beat them out of their game! I mean we would have, had we been playing tomorrow! Never mind.

We must also give them the credit of unity in our country! For something that innumerable speeches, political agendas, education, love marriages can’t do, we need only a game against Pakistan- no points for guessing who wins those! I wonder if the English had anticipated the extent to which the rivalry would build up back when they created Pakistan. I imagine it was a complex, gut-wrenching decision, involving heated debates on politics, religion and morality.

Mountbatten: OK, so if we divide the nation, it will lead to an immediate battle, followed by years of chaos and conflict…

Aide: Yes. But the cricket will be awesome.

Mountbatten: Chal done!

If you are done crying over our defeat in Semi-Finals, I think you should use this weekend to think about how are you going to fill all the awkward silences in conversations you would rather not have with the people you would rather not talk to! My heart goes out to people who followed the tournament day in and day out with the dedication of a Facebook stalker.

But then you give IPL to such people, and they are as happy as the kid sucking on Kala Khatta Gola, which obviously is Kala and Khatta for perfectly hygienic reasons! No, I don’t hate IPL. It’s as if the game of cricket went ahead and decided to have a ridiculously loud bachelor party. Even casual fans like me are bound to get swept up in the madness.

I love how IPL deletes all the boring stuff – like how is the pitch, what is the angle of the blade of the grass on the off-side, percentage of saliva the bowler would need to adorn the ball, etc. – and focuses only on important things like Gayle’s stunning sixes, or how Virat needs Anushka’s positivity, and such matters of consequences! It’s India’s two religions – Cricket and Bollywood- creating so much spark that it would even put the bling at a Marwadi wedding to shame

I’ve decided against stadiums, since I’m not too keen on the whole ‘death-by-heatstroke’ thing. (Blah, anyone willing to sponsor my tickets?). Watching a match in the stadium gives you a golden opportunity to call your loser friends who’re at home, and ipl funny cartoons12find out who the hell is on strike, because from where you’re sitting, Rahane might as well be Nita Ambani in a helmet.

All said and done, cricket is the real winner. And the sponsors. And the husband in cric buzz ad, who called his wife wide.

In the spirit of cricket, all I’d like to say and pray is that may the best team win – as long as it’s Indian.

Prem Ratan Dhan Se Payo

Why didn’t anyone tell me that Canvas Laugh Factory bought the Bombay High Court? Sigh.

Once again, there was mockery of justice by Indian judiciary! Unfortunately, that is not surprising at all!

This 13-year long legal odyssey, with its share of twists and turns, has not been any less than a masala Bollywood movie. In the first frame, a crime is committed. And then the protagonist (national heart-throb) finds himself in the courtroom, with his honour at stake! Evidently, he was accused of a heinous crime that he didn’t do! The viewers sit through this entire nail-biting  episode, watching the actor suffer, but giving a tough fight to this nasty judicial system – even served a sentence for the added drama. After all the struggle, the hero fights against all odds, and leads this movie towards a happy ending! Only, in this case, there is no love story. Awww.

In the meanwhile, Abbas-Mustan are busy taking notes, this time determined not copy from another movie, but directly from Bhai’s life. May be they get a better star cast, considering Bhai would want to volunteer for it! 500-crore recovery plan! Wohoo!

But, life isn’t a Bollywood movie where “hero” wins towards the end. Sometimes villains take the cake too. On a day like December 10 when some believe justice has been delivered (for now) to one man, a superstar disdained by legal woes. Others believe justice has been denied because he has not gone to jail. All said and done, it remains about Salman Khan, and Noorullah is forgotten somewhere in this whole star-studded affair!

Watching the brouhaha on television channels and scanning tweets was both an entertainment and a depressing exercise. What was lost in this cacophony of screaming and counter-screaming, with TV anchors clearly playing to the gallery while thundering about the “injustice” done to the aam aadmi, were the legal points. SinceIMG-20151212-WA0000, the little birds tweeting aren’t heard or valued, shouldn’t a well-meaning legal eagle take this route to ensure some form of justice is delivered to the victims?

Over the years, the Salman Khan chronicle has shifted from Being Bad Boy to Being Human. His success and fan following has
multiplied by truckloads. There’s no logic to his success. Just like there is no logic to what his fans say-

“If courts sends people to jail to make them a better persons there is no better or best than Salman. If he did one bad thing then he did 100 other good things too that cannot be ignored. Everybody makes mistakes then why only he is getting haunted by his mistakes even after 13 years. I am feeling so much pain my heart.” Like really? That shit you are smoking is damn good, bro!

However taking inspiration from this successful attempt, Salman has plans of starting “Being Animal”, to get away from the Black Buck case. Oh wait, didn’t the forest authorities of Rajasthan already find a suicide note? My bad.

Well, in short, to quote a friend of mine -“To err is human, to forgive is Indian Judiciary!”

PS – Salman Khan is a very accomplished driver, he took our whole judicial system for a ride. I had to “re-tweet” this one here! #BHAIROXXX