Appraisal Festival For Kids

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time of the year when “good” and “well-behaved” children are rewarded – for being good and well-behaved of course. It is just one of those traditions when elders bribe the children to be good so that they don’t grow up and bribe…erm?

So I am wondering how Santa Claus (SC) discusses with his Human Resource consultant (HR) about the management of the gifts in ratio with the degree of “niceness” of little mortal beings. Let’s explore…

HR: Sir! Sir..SIR!

SC: *wakes up* what is it?

HR: It’s time. We need to evaluate the yearly performance of these naughty brats.

SC: What? Why on earth do I have the most taxing job ever? Whoever fancies sneaking down through chimneys when everyone is chilling in the holiday season! FML.

HR: Eh..the Amazon preview sale is until midnight, let’s go over the list so that we can get great discounts, shall we? What about Donald?

SC: Who? Trump? The same guy who when opens his mouth is only to change whichever foot was previously in there? Have they started selling feet online yet? We may need a couple of hundred for him for the coming year.

xmas1HR: Well, what about Salman Khan?

SC: Oh ya, order a car for him. I know it’s a highly unsafe choice, but he needs to go far before he signs any other movie or Bigg Boss…the sooner he goes, the better. And that way, I guess I am compensating by saving an entire population!

HR: Right. Next is Barkha Dutt?

SC: This young lady has delusions of adequacy. If I had it my way, I would get her off the TV first, but my contract doesn’t allow me to do that. Well, just put her in the list of not-nice children.

HR: Narendra Modi?

SC: He is the same kid tea-seller we had given a pencil a few years ago, right? Well, it certainly takes him no time to make his pointless.  Blade it is then.

HR: Robert Vadra?

SC:   What more do I give him, when I am already paying a toll to pass through his property, be it on ground or in the air!

HR: Kejriwal?

SC: Oh, get this chap removed from the list, and ban him from all future considerations. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom. Check if he has started digging there yet? Or else there will be no place left for him to go!

HR: *chuckles* Rahul Gandhi?

SC: Aww, finally we are talking about children, is it? It’s the easiest to please someone who would be out of their depth in a roadside puddle – also created by them. Candy it is. Anything that remotely looks like one will also do. Just something else for him to suck up to, you know!

That reminds me, I haven’t done my bit of sucking up to Santa Claus for fulfilling my greed…umm I mean needs. After all, like they say (and I repeat on every Christmas) – Nothing comes easy in life. Even Santa comes with a clause.

Winterlust

d6cb812a2bd19a2f4a9107df033404e9.jpgIt is that point in the year when “Just chill” is not a metaphor for relaxing your mind or a shady Salman Khan Song, but you are literally chilling. Ok, maybe this is a very bad one, but what the heck, I am freezing out here! After all, it’s that time of the year when the weather is colder than the Time’s person of the year. Erm..

Well, for people who call themselves true blue ‘Bambaiya’, let me define winter for you. Winter is this season when it feels like smog, but doesn’t kill like one. It’s that climate when you guys ask – Is 6 layers enough or should I change my body settings to “activate coal stove”?

Winter is like my most favourite time of the year! I mean what’s not to like about it! To begin with – It’s not hot. I rest my case.

Anything and everything that comes with it otherwise, is all bonus. Like the morning sunrise! Sunrise is anyway beautiful, but winter sunrise – Oh my! First things first – it happens decently late. So you don’t have to wake up five minutes after you have slept to see it. And when you are shivering in the morning cold, in midst of fog-striken environment, there it come up as rays of warmth – it the most beautiful feeling. That brings me to the second-most wonderful thing about his weather – Sleep! Long, long, long nights. What else does one want?

Actually, I am not going to treat that as a rhetoric question. One, or at least I also want food! And winter is practically equal to yummy, lip-smacking food! From hot chocolates, to barbeques, to peas and carrots, pies and cheese, gajak and ghevar, this is the best season to eat. The list can go on, though for someone who knows me will know I do not need a temperature update to make a list of food I love, but so what – winter it is this time! Ironically, weight-loss tips and tricks call this weather great for losing weight as well. Though, my one tip to you would be to not get tricked! I mean what’s the point of avoiding that hot jalebi on a beautiful cold morning – are you nuts?

It’s also so festive! I mean so what if all our share of festivals are done for the year – after all, Vasudev Kutumbakam. Christmas it is. Who wouldn’t want to be secular, if that only means it is yet another occasion to receive gifts, and eat Plum cake. Hell ya, I am secular. And a kid. And accept presents – you know, in case someone is in mood for spreading some love.

Well, as a girl who also has a commitment to write a few hundred words more, I also love winter for the clothes! Oh my God, don’t you girls think winter-wear is gorgeous!  Sorry, dear feminazi, aimed the question specifically at girls because we all know guys would prefer summer in that respect. D’uh!

PS – When you snuggle with hot chocolate, dunk some marshmallows into them. Thank me later. #ProTip

Santa Claus(e)

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So what did you get for Christmas?

I think the whole charm of Christmas in India is about the thought of getting something for free! Christmas is synonymous to Santa Claus here.
Though Santa may take a while to locate your residence in the increasing pollution in our city, but you know, he will figure out. Anyway, he isn’t used to the heat in our country, but such dedication! Always manages to put a few candies in that old stretched stocking on your bed! Aww our parents! First they spoil us and then complain we aren’t prepared for life! Such cuteness.

But in this festive season, we see them everywhere – probably more here in India than the west! Walking on streets, at Christmas parties, hotels, malls – they are at all places where people can afford a Santa Claus! Some of them could look like they could do well with some goodies themselves, but nevertheless, putting smile on faces of little brats.

It is a mass gift exchange season, with secret Santa played in every office- the epitome of which was a social media secret Santa, which essentially thrived on the idea of you gifting something to one person, and receiving 36 in return! Whoa, that is some enthusiasm in receiving gifts!

Some people do not believe in a Santa Claus, but believe in being a Santa Claus! There are people who go to orphanages, or school for disabled and spend time with them. While some others donate blood. Everyone finds their way of expression, their own way of being a Santa for someone else.

But even that essentially is a part of feeling great about oneself, if you know what I mean. Its great people are doing all sorts of things for others, but has no meaning if they expect a return favour some other day! Selflessness has just become another word in the dictionary, which is more fiction than fact.

Having said this, I have some experience in the rural sector, and know that getting something for free has done more harm than good! People get so used to receiving something, that they stop working, and wait for things to come to them! This, in the long run, is quite damaging to our society, and is not how a healthy society works! We know value of things, only if we earn it, and not if we get it. This year’s hot Christmas proves how since nature is free and abundant we hardly care. Look at what we have done to our climate!

Something that is true beyond all age groups, races, communities, and countries is:

Everyone wants a fantastic job, but no one wants to suffer 60 hours/week.
Everyone wants a happy marriage, but no one wants to sacrifice.
Everyone wants an amazing physique, but no one wants to sweat it out.
Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.

But you know, as the story goes, even Santa gifts the child who has been good all year. No wonder they say,
“Nothing comes easy in life, even Santa comes with a clause.”