When Google Googles

Traditions can be really important. They bridge the gap between the past and new. But then again, it is also considered an explanation for acting without thinking. And traditionally speaking, nothing dies easier than traditions. Or rather, we have a tradition of dying traditions! Without realizing we do end up forming new traditions. We just like to call it we-won’t-listen-to-you-oldies. But guess what, this tradition of rebelling traditions is the longest tradition that has ever existed, and will remain until you go on the other side of the table! Take that!

Anyway, all this tradition crap was just to enable myself to start a tradition of my own! Oh yeah, I can do it, because, umm… it’s my space, you know! So every year google is going to come up with questions for doodle for google contest, and like last year, I am going to answer them here. But I have to give it to google. For someone who gets bombarded with silliest, whackiest, mindless questions like ‘can you raise your IQ by eating gifted children’, google does seem to have the most sensible questions. And you know what a more sensible thing to do is? – is to make children their search engine.

By the way, I did not make that question up. It is true! Another reason to ask children.

Anyway, so this year’s question for the contest is – If I could teach anyone anything, what would it be?123

  • Plan. Plan. Plan. Act.

If anyone could teach anything to India, this should be it. We have spent way too long on talking, planning, discussing, throwing things in the parliament to get anything done! If only people who “ruled” this land went to school, they would know – Actions speak louder than words/slogans/election speeches.

  • Relax.

Talking about India – Oh hello, Pakistan! Generally, we believe that Tu-Jaanta-Nahi-Mera-Baap-Kaun-Hai is a very Delhi thing. But from where I see it, the India-Pakistan tiff is pretty much the same thing. Nobody wants to act, but both want to leave the “kurukshetra” with a bloated ego.

Only Pakistan doesn’t know to not pose the question to your own father! D’uh!

  • Talaq. Talaq. Talaq.

This is not what a husband following Islam should tell his wife, but an entire community should to this system! Divorce the triple talaq, and stop gloating in your male ego, men! It’s definitely not about “religious sentiments” in this case. And trust me, Allah will definitely approve of your progressive attitude.

  • Breathe.

In the humdrum of life, very few remember to breathe. Be in this moment, enjoy it to the fullest. Take a deep breathe in, and you will know how pungent and foul the air around you is! Only then, may be, for the sake of your own lungs, you will take measures to purify it. It will cleanse your mind, body and soul. Promise.

  • Parallel Park.

As for me, I would love to teach the good people of India the difference between a parking space and a jigsaw puzzle. The rule remains intact even though you just need to grab a bite- or chai to be precise. Theek hai rickshaw-wale bhaiya?

PS- Read the tradition bit again.

Google The Doodle

There is this campaign that Google hcartoonFace0olds every year for school children, wherein the competitors have to doodle the Google logo with a given theme. All the people who have seen the advertisement on YouTube, congratulations on being unemployed! *Fist-Five*

Anyway, so this year’s theme is – If I could create something for India, what would it be? 
 Since I can’t take part in the competition (They don’t know my brain is only 8), but I am stubborn and will list my entries here! (In your face, Google!) Here goes it:

Sketch-up block for toilet: Firstly, everyone who knows what sketch-up is – hahaha, stop cursing the moment you took the decision of getting into Architecture! But won’t it be cool, if we could just make one toilet block and click, click, click – Tada! Sanitation problem solved!

Flying Vacuum Cleaner: Yeah, I know this one is a part of the ad! But imagine, a giant vacuum cleaner in the clouds cleaning away all the dirt in our country (yes that includes likes of Sharad Pawar). Or even better, a flying car which doesn’t pollute, but in fact runs on pollution! This is one thing that everybody, EVERYBODY has sometime wanted – just to get away from ever increasing traffic on the road. I can only imagine if this was ever made, and all of us had one, what would happen! The only thing I am sure about is, ‘Fast and the Furious’ will return with some awesome sequels!

Avengers in Parliament: Well, this one is my favorite. Imagine being governed by Avengers – it is the best way for us to avenge for all those years of bad, irresponsible governance, by replacing them with these cool superheroes who will S.H.I.E.L.D. us! And of course, what can get better than having Robert Downing Jr. in our parliament! Sigh.

Vending Machine: Vending Machine? Amidst all that India is going through, and all the things I could actually wish for, all I am wishing for is a vending machine? Really? Actually yes. Not the kinds that gives out pretzels and cola, but a machine of happiness. They say happiness cannot be bought, but what if it could be! Won’t it be cool if you could trade all the anger, frustration, sadness with a machine for joy? More than anything else, we just need to be happier people! The only side-effect will be that Radhe Maa and Nirmal Baba will be out of work, but who is complaining?

Neuralizer: While I know that if Neuralizer (from Men in Black 3 fame) gets into wrong hands, it could be disastrous- but I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it will be to have one for real! This device can erase memory of a person from past couple of hours, to weeks or even centuries. We need it to forget and erase all evidence of a few of our collective memory- like women inequality, dowry, or even feminism etc. Let’s just forget what has happened in the past, and create a new past for the future, where this world is neither of any one gender or specie!

Woah! I could get quite demanding if I wanted to! Co-incidentally, while I am writing this article, my 4 year old nephew here is talking about inventing a band that will shoot all mosquitoes! And well, that is the best idea of this list!