Love thy neighbours. Send them home!

Oh, and please take Mr. Kher with you! Yes, I said it!

Just yesterday I saw a video that went viral on WhatsApp, in which a Member of Parliament was talking openly about sending the-religion-that-shouldn’t-be named to Pakistan. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been in our country for more than 2 minutes, since we know that hypocrisy is our favourite game, second only to telling people to lose weight na!

82795349Why can’t we let people be, irrespective of the fact that they worship Shiva, or Jesus, or Allah, or Tendulkar! What is weirder is – that they are praying! As they say, “If one person has an imaginary friend, we call him crazy. If a lot of people have the same imaginary friend, we call it religion.”

I’ve always been fascinated about various aspects of religion, such as its origin, evolution and the fact that your hands could get chopped off for writing about it. Having said that, it’s still nice to see how religion unifies society by providing nuts with an open-shitting contest.

(Relax. I’m talking about the nuts in someone else’s religion, not yours.)

That’s not to say that I am not religious! I fast regularly – mostly between bedtime and breakfast. I sacrifice my hair – generally on Saturday evening after a few shots of awesomeness- but I am sober ya! And I am perpetually wishing for someone to come from up there and do all that I am supposed to do – including picking up my lazy bum out of the cozy blanket in this perfectly air-conditioned room! I am born in a Hindu family, meaning I believe in comprehensive power of whatever BJP tells me to do!

The thing is, whoever invented religions did not think it would go this way! But I think, the efficiency decreased after one introduced marriages!

Calling India a secular nation is as much antithesis as calling a politician honest! I always thought of myself as a proud Indian, despite national embarrassments such as rape, violence and Rahul Gandhi! Don’t get me wrong. Violence is a great concept, if only we could have the freedom of expressing violence by shooting, say, umm..customer service!

I don’t mean to mock traditions! I mean they do help Ekta Kapoor mint money and put that oh-so-traditional Tilak on her forehead! If not for her, how would our children know that all mothers-in-law are horrible, and everyone who dies can come back to life – if only you wish (TRP) hard enough – and no that is not creejesus-dad-offensive-pagepy at all! But some traditions are – how do I say this nicely – downright stupid and irrelevant! And they work on the basis that women have an IQ of a carrot!

We really really need to start behaving as civil as animals, and let our “humanity” rest for a bit!

PS –I have timed this article such as to reduce the risk of being kicked by RSS – Romantic to Sanskaari Sangh – considering they must be busy arranging for their biggest moral policing event coming up next week! Wohoo to hatred on Valentine’s Day!



Clean your room, I was told, not clear your mind,

Keep things in place, not thoughts in check,

Be neat and tidy, not strong and mighty,

Oh, I wish, order in mind was made elementary!

Most of us like things in order.Yeah! We do. Remember the happiness of investing half a holiday in cleaning your room, clearing the mess, throwing away the past, sticking to what is needed? It is often correlated to feeling light.  Is it?

I think what we do with our mind is exactly the opposite. Most cleanliness freaks have messed up minds! In fact, we stick to our shit, our past, our emotions, our hatred, our mistakes, our guilt like they are the most important part of our being. Moreover, we not only do not let them go, we also compare and prove how our shit is better than theirs! It is surprising, fascinating!

Seriously, notice it the next time. If one person is telling the other how his life sucks, the other person will, in most cases, say, “Yeh toh kuch bhi nahi hai!” and goes on till the person 1 feels awesome about his life! We take pride in our crap! In doing so, we waste the present, and make it a part of the crappy past! Oh, crap!

Lets start cleaning our mind. NOW. Create space for today. Make more room in there. Choose what you keep. Choose things that are pretty. Make it look good in your eyes. Feel good. Feel light. Let go. Declutter.