Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time of the year when “good” and “well-behaved” children are rewarded – for being good and well-behaved of course. It is just one of those traditions when elders bribe the children to be good so that they don’t grow up and bribe…erm?
So I am wondering how Santa Claus (SC) discusses with his Human Resource consultant (HR) about the management of the gifts in ratio with the degree of “niceness” of little mortal beings. Let’s explore…
HR: Sir! Sir..SIR!
SC: *wakes up* what is it?
HR: It’s time. We need to evaluate the yearly performance of these naughty brats.
SC: What? Why on earth do I have the most taxing job ever? Whoever fancies sneaking down through chimneys when everyone is chilling in the holiday season! FML.
HR: Eh..the Amazon preview sale is until midnight, let’s go over the list so that we can get great discounts, shall we? What about Donald?
SC: Who? Trump? The same guy who when opens his mouth is only to change whichever foot was previously in there? Have they started selling feet online yet? We may need a couple of hundred for him for the coming year.
HR: Well, what about Salman Khan?
SC: Oh ya, order a car for him. I know it’s a highly unsafe choice, but he needs to go far before he signs any other movie or Bigg Boss…the sooner he goes, the better. And that way, I guess I am compensating by saving an entire population!
HR: Right. Next is Barkha Dutt?
SC: This young lady has delusions of adequacy. If I had it my way, I would get her off the TV first, but my contract doesn’t allow me to do that. Well, just put her in the list of not-nice children.
HR: Narendra Modi?
SC: He is the same kid tea-seller we had given a pencil a few years ago, right? Well, it certainly takes him no time to make his pointless. Blade it is then.
HR: Robert Vadra?
SC: What more do I give him, when I am already paying a toll to pass through his property, be it on ground or in the air!
SC: Oh, get this chap removed from the list, and ban him from all future considerations. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom. Check if he has started digging there yet? Or else there will be no place left for him to go!
HR: *chuckles* Rahul Gandhi?
SC: Aww, finally we are talking about children, is it? It’s the easiest to please someone who would be out of their depth in a roadside puddle – also created by them. Candy it is. Anything that remotely looks like one will also do. Just something else for him to suck up to, you know!
That reminds me, I haven’t done my bit of sucking up to Santa Claus for fulfilling my greed…umm I mean needs. After all, like they say (and I repeat on every Christmas) – Nothing comes easy in life. Even Santa comes with a clause.